the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
