I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
