what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
