I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize