I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
