am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
