Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
