Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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