Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
