Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
