She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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