we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
