I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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