Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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