I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
