We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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