i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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