Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
