Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My penis needs a shock collar
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
