So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I will be naked everywhere
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
