he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
