he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
