super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
