he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
