Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Say something about gay babies.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
