Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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