Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
