And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize