Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
