Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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