if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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