the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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