guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
