if you like me you must not know who I am
this boner is exhausting
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize