I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
