I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
