i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
