My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize