I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
