No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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