Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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