Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
