if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
