he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
