so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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