yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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