After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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