The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
a search helicopter?!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
