so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
