just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
