Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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