Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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