She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
