i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
