goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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