I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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