Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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