I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Randomize
