Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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