omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
