My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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