thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
