So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
