I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
