i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
