I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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