you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize