my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize