I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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