Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
