Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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