dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize