you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
