I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize