Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
