Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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