i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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