so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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